did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We are all done wearing pants today
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize