the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
