It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
even my farts smell like vagina
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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