All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
