Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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