He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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