I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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