I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
