I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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