you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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