So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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