My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
