On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
