Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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