Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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