you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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