If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
