If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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