Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
