Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
