so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
