would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
