what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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