Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
