Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
