we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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