I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
