Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
