Come see our sink grown plant.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Even my vagina gasped.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
