So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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