She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
