I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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