I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
