just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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