Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
