youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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