don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
