"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We need to get me chipped asap
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
