dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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