I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
