My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
