i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
