I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
