Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
