I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
