My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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