i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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