It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've blown a few things in my day
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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