dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
