bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
