i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
