There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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