ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
