Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
