grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
