I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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