i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
