His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
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As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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