oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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