yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
