Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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