ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
