We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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