if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
