My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
