just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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