i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
