I haven't been this sober since birth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
