If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
