At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
