Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
