Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
