i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
