he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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