she was so not down for the gang bang
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
