i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
