He kissed a someone with a penis
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
