i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
