What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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