i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
