I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
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I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.