It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
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i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He better not be in your backpack
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!