This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?