yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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