mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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